Missing You, Missing Me

By popular demand, and by that I mean Lusso's Mom, I am writing back here in this space. She wrote me a sweet note that said she misses me. I miss her too and hope to see her soon. I do miss writing here. I miss a lot of things lately. I miss taking the train downtown to work. I miss the rhythmic chugging hiss of the tracks, the slow dance of people in trance on the train as they start their day. I miss reading the blog of my favorite artist Mav of port2port press so I splurged and bought this book above about a year long photography blog of mornings between two friends who live 3191 miles apart to try to reconnect to those mornings when I would start the day inspired and awed by their view of the world.

Lately too, I miss a lot of people in my life, people that make me me. I miss my family a lot. It's been a hurried couple of months filled with beautiful events -- a new marriage in my family, a ski adventure with friends, a thrilling reunion with the boys of my old highschool -- and then suddenly I find myself on a sort of full stop. My project ended and finally I have time to rest and catch up and organize and think. I'm in some sort of archeological dig, taking inventory of things, a full account of life through its artifacts and when I do that, I start to note gaps, excesses, and the missing sticks out like a big gaping hole in the center of my heart. There are many kinds of missing. There are those that a quick fix of a phone call or email can fulfill, a short little shoutout that says I am thinking of you. You people my heart. But there's also a kind of missing that cannot be filled. Here and there I see an old photo of a friend, someone really important to me, someone I cared about a lot, some no longer a part of my life because of many reasons, because of distance, because of time, because of circumstances, because of words exchanged and unsaid. These are the tougher ones to process. It sort of feels like missing a tooth, your tongue goes over the part where you expect them to be and even when your mind understands why they are no longer there, your heart can't quite catch up.

I want you to know I miss you and think of you and when I do, I wish that your life is filled with beauty.

love,
ashima